Lately, I've had a lot of people asking me about what I look for in a guy. If you are in Korea, you know the first three questions that will be asked of you are as follows:
1.) How old are you?
2.) Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?/Are you married?
3.) (If the answer is NO, the response will ALWAYS BE:) Why not?!
And so here I am in Korea (and not just with Koreans but with others I've met as well), and my answer is always the same. It's like, in Korea (and around the world, too), people look at singleness as a "curse" or that "my life will begin after I have a boyfriend/girlfriend" or "after I get married." This is such a skewed believe and honestly a great LIE from Satan. He would want nothing more than you to be down on yourself because you are not in a relationship. Satan WOULDN'T want you to grab hold of the INCREDIBLE opportunity you have to SERVE GOD WHOLE-HEARTEDLY.
"I would like you to be free from concern. AN UNMARRIED MAN IS CONCERNED ABOUT THE LORD'S AFFAIRS--how he can please the Lord...I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way IN UNDIVIDED DEVOTION TO THE LORD" (1 Corin. 7:32,35).
I could go on and on about this, but I digress. I didn't set out to write about the beauty of singleness (although that IS what it is), and I am in no way downplaying the remarkable communion of marriage (because it IS a beautiful symbolism of God's love for us)....but what I am wanting to highlight is--as a Christian woman--what I look for in a man.
...And what is funny is that I don't have a long list of things. I could try....of course there are some things I would love to have, but ultimately it comes down to the man exhibiting biblical marks of manhood. ....and even before that, I fully rely and put my trust in God to guide me and speak to me. I believe dating is not about doing something casually. As grand as it may seem to some people in this day and age, I believe that dating is not about recreation but to find a spouse. Even if a man outwardly shows many marks of biblical manhood, sometimes his heart is not pure after the Lord. In fact, there are many men, even in the church, who call themselves Christians and serve in many ways but whose hearts just aren't in the right place. With that being said, it ultimately comes down to God.
But....if I am to compile a short list here, I think these would be on it:
1. one who possesses the qualities of biblical manhood
2. one who will take the initiative and risk to ask me out and pursue me (Be a leader from the beginning!)
3. one who is growing in the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)
4. one who is committed to sacrificing himself for my spiritual good (Ephesians 5:25-27)
5. one who grows in qualities of biblical leadership (1 Timothy 3:2-7)
6. one who desires me, delights in me, and cherishes me as a precious jewel (Song of Solomon; Prov. 31:10)
7. one who has a heart for the nations and traveling the world (Acts 1:8-9)
8. one who is wiser than me and will guide me not only spiritually, but in life as well (Proverbs)
Ladies--my dear, Beloved sisters--these are the untouchables. Although there would be many qualities I also desire, these are the bottom of it. I think it's a lot like how we view Christianity and the bible and all things tied up in religion. So often we get caught up in little tiny details and points of view and denominational differences that we forget what the bottom of it really is and chose to believe contrary to what Jesus Himself preached.
It's not about religion or doctrine or baptism or going to church or communion or drinking or drugs or sex or view on abortion or sexual orientation or denomination or the way we worship or missions or service or anything else in all creation. It is about Jesus Christ crucified, and whoever believes in Him WILL have eternal life! (Can I get an AMEN!)
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:38-39).
(**Now before you get all huff and puff at me--because I KNOW what I just said upsets some people--think about it. WHERE in the bible does it say, "You cannot go to heaven if you have premarital sex or don't worship with your hands raised and dancing or date someone of the same sex or don't do missions or drink alcohol or smoke or do drugs or don't get baptized or.. or...or..." PLEASE tell me--because I am ALL about learning and getting to know God, but I bet you cannot find those sentences there. Granted, by following Christ in obedience, we WANT to do what He loves and delight in what He loves and are spurred on in such a way, but doing these listed things DO NOT AND WILL NOT SEPARATE US FROM THE LOVE OF CHRIST. I may not find those "You cannot go to heaven if...." ideas listed above, but what I DO FIND is Christ's blood as an atoning sacrifice. We are holy and considered righteous and spotless and blameless under the blood of Christ, and NOTHING in all creation can separate us from that.)
"For my Father's will is that EVERYONE WHO LOOKS TO THE SON AND BELIEVES IN HIM SHALL HAVE ETERNAL LIFE, and I will raise them up at the last day" (John 6:40).
"BELIEVE in the LORD JESUS, AND YOU WILL BE SAVED--you and your household" (Acts 6:31).
"That IF YOU CONFESS with your mouth, 'JESUS IS LORD,' AND BELIEVE in your heart that God raised him from the dead, YOU WILL BE SAVED" (Romans 10:9).
We get so caught up in our Disney Princess and Romance-movie fantasies of love that we set up unrealistic expectations. Much like God's love (and I am NOT saying I come even CLOSE (or ever will) to fully understanding it), we get caught up in all of the little things we want or think are important, and we lose sight of what is most important.
To all my single sisters---Be looking for the marks of biblical manhood in him, and have faith in the spiritual leader he will continue to grow to be. Look at your pastors or male leaders in the church. Talk to their wives. These men didn't just "have it." I can bet that these men have grown so much from the time they first pursued their wives. ^.~ Talk to them about it. Know what the marks of biblical manhood are and be looking for those and encouraging those in others....and above ALL else, be pursuing God! Singleness is a blessing and a time to be full-out for God. It's not going to get any easier once we are married, and we have the joy of practicing biblical womanhood during this time!
***Let us be strong, confident, courageous, and prized daughters of our King!***
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