As of now,
I am standing at the crossroads of two big choices.
After months of searching for the perfect job, sending out resumes, NOT getting responses, and anxiously awaiting what God had in store for the next chapter, I've now been offered not ONE but TWO wonderful jobs. ....and now I (
within this next week) must make the decision on which road to travel.
In both jobs
I would be teaching English AND music (!!!) full-time at an international/bilingual school under an actual contract (no more commuting and private tutoring). At school number 1 (S1), I would be a homeroom teacher for 2nd grade (teaching ALL subjects). At school number 2 (S2), I would be a high school ESL teacher and k-12 music teacher. S1 is a one-year contract (with wanting a verbal agreement of more). S2 is a 10-month contract until the end of November. Both would be an absolute blessing. ...And neither of which do I hold a strong leading to. I would be happy with both, I suppose, but that is not what is most important. The question is~~
Where would GOD best use me?
Looking at the "logistics" of the schools, S1 offers free housing, medical, pension, four weeks paid vacation (two in summer, two in winter), and a nice salary to live by with great potential to save. On the other hand, S2 offers no housing (although the recruiter would help in finding a homestay or apt), no medical, lots of paid vacation (!) and a smaller salary. If I were in it for the money and savings, of course, S1 would be the answer, hands down, BUT....that is not why I am doing this.
...And S2 is something I have dreamed about for years. In fact, I have been trying to get a similar job like S2 over this semester, and I was preparing to go for it. ...
So what is stopping me now?
With either choice (perhaps S2 more than S1),
it would mean another big life change. I would be packing up from my home in Seoul and moving to another city again. Let me tell you, my friends,
God is teaching me a lot about change and moving and "readiness." I have never really like moving and the change and stress associated with it, but God has given me the opportunity to practice this (and I am positive I will have MANY more opportunities in the future) over and over while in Korea. Not only that, but
taking either job means LOTS of paperwork FAST. It means organizing and packing and saying "see you laters" and waving new "hellos." Additionally, if I take S2, it means a whole new change in culture and lifestyle and community.
In terms of teaching, although I know
God can do ALL things and equip us for all things, I cannot hide a little bit of worry for teaching at S1 because I would be teaching as an actual homeroom teacher where I teach ALL subjects and have the students with me ALL day. I do not have an education degree or professional teacher training, and of course, I want to be the best teacher for the students. Although, if I took the job, I KNOW I would work really hard and study all the material and stay late and lesson plan and do a wonderful job with the strength of the Lord, it is still something in my mind. BUT
it would also be a beautiful challenge and chance to really rely and rest in God's strength and not my own abilities!
And yet, in S2, because it would be a complete change in culture and community and language and way of life,
it would ALSO mean relying completely on God for provision--not only in those aspects, but also in a COMPLETE change (as we know I love OH so much!). ....And also in such a short time. Both of these schools mean that as soon as I get back to Seoul (I am in Gumi for the holidays), I need to start selling things, packing up things, sending things home I won't need, getting to the Embassies, mailing out documents, securing visas, telling my current students that I am leaving, ending school/classes, and basically starting a new chapter of life.
All in all, though,
I trust God will stop me if I am going for the wrong choice. I had tried to apply to many jobs that I thought would be good. Whether it was teaching college-aged students (which I LOVE) and having longer vacations (to see my family which I also LOVE) OR going to a different country with a program that has interested me, none seemed to go through. I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't a little disappointed at first,
BUT I KNOW God is in control, and He is answering prayers when I do not get those jobs. He knows the bigger picture, and He knows those places are not where I need to be right now. With this mercy of God, I assumed He would also make it clear as to accepting the job, but
it seems I am at this crossroads now.
I feel kind of like Paul. God would lead him to where he was supposed to go along his journey,
but sometimes God would not speak, and Paul would just have to go, and God would stop them if it was the wrong way. I believe God sometimes leaves room for our desires and choice.
He is, after all, the one who PUTS those desires on our hearts. I believe both jobs would be an opportunity to serve Him, to grow in my faith in Him, and to be a light to the students and teachers and community around me.
Perhaps this is my time to just take that step along either road and see the beauty of God's protection and leading and strength.
"Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun" (Psalm 37:3-6).
After that, I headed to Gumi for the weekend to celebrate with my family there. Thank you to everyone who worked so hard! 
